Busted! - Chapter 8.5: First Time (Continued)

"Menzi, what are you doing here?" I asked. I was happy to see him but at the same time I was surprised that he had actually come to see me. He kept on saying "I can't" and I didn't understand what he was on about. "I'm not marrying Zodwa, my mom came back from the conference and my uncles are so adamant on us paying lobola for Zodwa!" he said. I didn't understand what Menzi expected me to do about the situation because it sounded to me like it was a done deal. "What do you want me to do Menzi?" I asked. "Go to my house and tell my uncles we're together!" he said. He was mad. He was literally going insane. I really wanted to help him get out of the situation but the least I did, the better the situation would be. Menzi wanted me to take the fall for him and I couldn't agree to that. It was a very cowardly move so I refused.

He then stormed out of my room. The way I was so tired, I didn't even try to follow him. I immediately went back to sleep, this time locking my door because I didn't want any more disturbances. Six hours later, at around 9pm, I heard a number of people knocking on my door and calling out my name. I tried to get up but I was so dizzy. I couldn't even lift my head off of the pillow. I tried to move my legs and it hit me at that point that I was suffering some form of temporary paralysis even though at that time I didn't know whether it was temporary or permanent. I opened my eyes and when I tried to speak, nothing would happen, I'd hear myself talking but nothing was actually happening. I then started to cry because I was panicking. I calmed myself down and tried again for the 50th time to get out of my bed but I couldn't. Eventually the guys in the house managed to break my door down. KG was the first to rush in followed by Lincoln and then everyone else.

"Earl wake up!" KG said. "Earl what's going on?" Lincoln asked frantically. I could see them, my eyes were wide open but I couldn't move nor say anything to them, the only signal I could give to show them I was in some form of trouble was to cry. Lincoln then picked me up and together with KG, Sihle and Morithi; they rushed me to the hospital.

KG drove with Lincoln in the front. I sat at the back with Sihle and Morithi. Sihle was trying his best to keep me warm because I had started shaking. Morithi on the other hand was crying. "Please don't die Earl" he cried. I really wanted to laugh. Lincoln kept turning back to brush my head, apparently because that is a calming technique and KG was trying hard not to notice what Lincoln was doing.

When we got to the hospital, the doctor performed some checks on me and realized that my blood pressure had gone up the roof. My diagnosis: depression. The doctor had me sedated and the guys left to go back to the commune. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and realizing I was in hospital, I was thirsty and all I wanted was a glass of water but I couldn't talk and I couldn't even maneuver my body to press the call button. I peacefully passed out again…

Busted! - Chapter 8.4: First Time

The next morning I woke up not wanting anything to do with anyone. I actually took it upon myself that day to stay in bed all day and just not interact with anyone as that would just find a way to mess with my day. The doctor had told me to stay at home and REST and that's exactly what I was doing. I didn't have an appetite for food, money or even people.

I felt really bad about my being unable to tell Sihle about the Malcolm situation especially because he was the one who told me about Lincoln and Kelebogile back then. Had it not been for Sihle I would probably still be unhappy with Lincoln whilst he divided himself between Kelebogile and I. At least back then I didn't even know who Kelebogile was but when that changed, I couldn't help but feel bad because I knew what kind of person she was and I knew that she didn't deserve any of the pain Lincoln was causing her.

That day Menzi called to tell me that his mother wanted to see me, but because of the state I woke up in, I told him I'd come some other time. Kelebogile then came up to check up on me. She was a very sweet girl who cared about everyone in the house. When I looked at her, I found the fact that Lincoln was on my tail totally unfathomable but I kept it to myself and found myself engaging in a conversation with Kelebogile about anything BUT Lincoln. When she left, I called my mother and hoped that she would be able to lift up my spirits; all she could tell me was that I had to leave Joburg and return to Cape Town.

She also told me that she got engaged a few days earlier and that I should prepare myself for her wedding too. It seemed like everyone in my life was getting married and it was really starting to get to me. I found myself hopping from one relationship to the next in hopes of finding that ONE guy that I'd marry but that wasn't happening for me. God knows I also wanted to get married to Thebe when I was with him but because that wasn't going to happen, I felt like everyone else was just getting married, almost like God was rubbing it in my face. I got up and took a shower and then I put my pyjamas back on and went back to sleep. I was feeling so tired, I even found it hard to open my eyes.

Menzi came into my room and woke me up. I slowly got up and looked to see if it was him but I was so drowsy that I just looked the opposite direction and passed out again. "Earl!" he shouted. I jumped up and it really was him. I wasn't dreaming…

Busted! - Chapter 8.3: It's Okay!

I got into my bedroom and made myself comfortable. I turned on my TV and started eating on my bed. I really hate eating in my bedroom but I guess there was no other place where I could be by myself besides outside or in the bathroom which wasn't going to be conducive. As I was sitting there I heard a knock on my door. "Who is it?" I asked. It was Malcolm and he had come to talk to me because he didn't understand why there was so much animosity between us. I told him that I knew about him and Gabriel and asked him to explain to me what exactly was going on. He told me that he and Gabriel started dating long before Sihle came back into the picture but he couldn't break up with Gabriel because he didn't want to hurt his feelings. Malcolm was so obsessed with being the good guy and I guess he didn't realize that sometimes he hurts people more than he intends to by trying so hard to be good. I told Malcolm to do what he believes is the right thing. He then left my room.

Moments later Lincoln came up to my room to ask me if I was okay. "One moment you're setting up a table and next thing you know, you're not even eating on it" he said. I told him that I just felt like being by myself and that he shouldn't worry about me. He then started doing what he normally does when he gets some alone time with me, flirt. When he could see that I wasn't reciprocating, he told me what he always tells me when we're alone only this time he was very emotional. "I know you don't believe me but I am so in love with you, in fact I'm stuck with a girl I'll never love like I do you because society says it's the right thing to do." He said. "And I still say that the day you actually grow a backbone, we probably can have this conversation again and actually get somewhere, otherwise please stop bombarding me with this information, it actually pisses me off!" I said. He was astonished, I don't think he expected that much honesty from me, but I guess this is what I mean when I say you can save a lot of people pain if you just stopped trying to be the good guy.

We worry so much about what our family will say or what our friends will say and sometimes we have reason to, but people learn to accept things as they are. Coming out is a frightening thing to do, it just makes people feel uncomfortable and that is why it is such a gradual process but one thing that we don't realize is that it all starts with us. We know how the situation is, and because we do, we need to realize that it is no longer in control of us.

I went to my bathroom to wash my face and I started thinking about all the secrets that had started to get to me. There was Lincoln whom I believe needed me more than I could actually imagine. Malcolm was cheating on my best friend and I had no idea what a best friend was supposed to do in a situation like that especially because lovers have a way of reconnecting, leaving you looking foolish. Thobile was also up to no good and I was so close to Morithi that it actually felt like she was doing whatever she was doing to me and then there was the big elephant in the room, KG and I. I felt bad almost every day especially when I looked at Lerato and saw how sweet she was. It just haunted me, so much that I felt like the best thing to do was to minus myself from the equation… eternally.

Busted! - Chapter 8.2: Break The Ice

We arrived at the Gigolo's Castle. Lincoln took Kelebogile and they went inside the house. I stayed behind collecting stuff in my car and then I followed them behind. When I got inside the house I found Malcolm and Sihle watching TV. I didn't say a thing to Malcolm; I just gave him the "I know what you're up to" look and went upstairs. Sihle was a bit shocked at the way I behaved towards Malcolm but I believe he would have done the same if he was in my position. I slowly opened my bedroom door because I wasn't looking forward to finding a naked KG inside. Luckily for me, the coast was clear.

I sat in my room, trying my best to let go of the whole Malcolm and Gabriel situation. A part of me really wanted to let Sihle know but I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. I called Gavin to let him know what I had heard and he was just not having it. "Where does this Gabriel live? I'll pay him a visit!" Gavin said. I knew it was a bad idea telling him because he would just take the whole situation and exaggerate it; it was in his nature to do so. Menzi's mom on the other hand was returning the following day and I had planned to go see her because I needed her to explain to me what was happening but I just decided to let it go and let things play out the way that they were intended to.

Downstairs, Morithi was preparing dinner and Thobile was helping him and because I wanted to keep busy, I decided to help. It was quite tense in the kitchen because of the way things were between me and Thobile, but Morithi didn't pick it up.

"You look down, what's up?" Morithi asked. "Nothing, I'm okay." I quickly replied. "You look good by the way" Morithi added. I just blushed and took some plates with me and left the kitchen.

I went to help Thobile set up the dinner table. "So have you thought about it?" she asked. "Thought about what? I didn't think about anything because my mind was so infested with the idea that you and Nigel actually have a secret something going on. So…if you can keep your mouth shut, I'll do the same!" I replied. She looked like she was about to have a heart attack and she dropped the plate she had in her hand. Luckily she didn't get cut. Nigel on the other hand was the first to rush to the table to check if she didn't hurt herself. I just rolled my eyes as usual and walked away from the table.

I went to sit in the lounge with everyone else. "So you did you hair Earl?" asked Malcolm. "No hey, I undid it. I mean it is quite obvious that I did!" I replied. Malcolm got a little angry. "Dude, what's wrong with you today?" he asked. "With me? I think I should be asking what's wrong with you!" I replied. "What the hell are you on about Earl?" asked Malcolm. "Dude, do me a favour, I'm very hungry right now and I'd really prefer if you didn't spoil my appetite." I said. KG obviously had to make a comment about the drama in the house before the doorbell went off. I went to open and it was Gavin. "Where is he?" he said as he entered the house. I told him to calm down and not cause any drama because we still had to deal with the situation before he reacted.

We sat down to have dinner. Everyone sat there in their duos and Gavin was just looking at Malcolm whilst playing with his knife. I thought he was going to do something very stupid so I got up and went to my bedroom before things got out of hand. I didn't want to be a part of that drama.

Busted! - Chapter 8.1: You're Lying Right?

I went to go see my doctor because I had actually started to believe that I was stressed and that I wasn't aware of it. He told me that I was overworking myself and that it would be advisable for me to stay home until the following Monday.

Immediately after that, I headed to the spa to pamper and rejuvenate myself. I am a very self-conscious person and when someone highlights a flaw I knew nothing about, I try to fix it if not make it look better. When I was done with everything, I could actually see that I was coming back to life. All that was left was for me to go to the salon to get my hair done. When I got there, Noma was still busy with another client so I grabbed a magazine and sat at the waiting area. Noma's salon was the best place to go for gossip and apparently I was the trending topic that day.

"Me?" I asked Noma. "Yes, apparently you had a boyfriend in Cape Town whom you broke up with because your mother was having an affair with him!" she said. "You know that's not true, I mean you know my mother". I replied. "Of course I do, but that's the rumour right now together with the fact that you are sleeping around with married men" she added. "Married men?" I asked. "Yes, Menzi and that guy… your ex, Lincoln" she said. I just laughed, see that's the thing with gossip, the more it spreads, the more twisted it becomes. There's always an element of truth which is then stretched by different kinds of people and ends up losing its truth. I asked Noma who was feeding her all those lies and she told me it was someone I wouldn't even think of.

She refused to tell me who it was but what I knew is that the only two people that would know that kind of information were Sihle and Gavin whom did not go to Noma's Salon.

"So why didn't you tell me Malcolm was gay?" she asked and just like that, I knew exactly where she got her information from. Sihle obviously being a relationship with Malcolm meant that he shared things with him that he was not supposed to and then Malcolm brought them to the grapevine that is Noma's salon. "Now where did you get that one?" I asked as I rolled my eyes. "Malcolm is dating my friend, Gabriel. They were here an hour ago all cuddly on my couch." said Noma. I just froze. "Noma are you serious?" I asked just to be sure. "I'm telling you! They were here not so long ago. Malcolm was here to do his hair." Noma added. I didn't want to comment because then I'd be responsible for introducing yet another rumour so I just changed the subject and talked about other things just so that I could protect Sihle.

The only thing that was bothering me then was that I was stuck between letting Sihle know and trying to find out more before jumping into conclusions.

Lincoln sent me a text asking if I was going to head back to the office because he needed a ride home. It wasn't part of my plan but I went to the office to pick him up anyway. Upon my arrival I learnt that Kelebogile was there with him. I didn't even have time to ask why she was there, they got into the car and we went to the commune. On the way Lincoln kept passing compliments my way and I could see that Kelebogile was not taking kindly to it. In a nutshell, I couldn't wait to get home.  

Busted! - Chapter 7.5: Surprise!

Later on that day I received a visit from the most unexpected person, Thebe. He was in town so he decided to come and see me and he had also come to drop off a wedding invitation. Now you can imagine how powerless and fed up I was beginning to feel, so many weddings to digest!  I thought it was his until I opened and learnt that it was Thapelo's. It seemed like people were getting married everywhere. Thebe was looking hot as usual. Seeing him brought back a lot of feelings but I knew that I had to contain them for my mother's sake.

Thapelo is one of our straight friends from Cape Town. He managed a gay club that Thebe and I used to frequent and we ended up becoming friends because of his open mindedness. I believe that if a straight guy can be comfortable with gay folk, it means that they are already comfortable with themselves. Men that try to make gay men feel uncomfortable are mirroring exactly what it is that they feel. Thebe stayed for a while and we got to catch up and also discuss what we would wear for the wedding which was to happen in exactly two months from that day.

I called Cliff who works in the fashion department and I set up an appointment with him so that he could design something for me to wear at the wedding. That was another nice thing about 3Complex, the fact that we had everything we needed at our disposal.

Thebe told me that he had moved on with his life and that it was hard for him but he knew that it was for the best. He told me he missed me and I felt the same. I felt like if Thebe was still in my life, none of the drama that I was faced with in Joburg would have happened. My life with Thebe was very mellow and I got used to that serene kind of set up until I returned to Johannesburg. I was happy to learn that Thapelo was finally getting married to Olebogeng. Thapelo chased that girl for four years before she eventually gave in, and when she did, Thapelo did everything in his power to ensure that Ole stays happy. They had the kind of relationship everyone envied. One could have sworn that they never had downs in their relationship but the manner in which they handled their downs was what made them such a special couple.

Thebe left and then I went up to the fashion department to see Cliff. He took my measurements and highlighted the fact that I was losing weight. I just laughed it off. He then told me that he would send me some sketches the next day so that he could know what it is that he must make for me. "So do you really think I lost weight?" I asked him because I was really concerned. "Darling, have you looked at yourself lately, you look like you died two days ago!" he said. Clifford was brutally honest and for the first time that day, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how I let myself go since Cape Town. I was clearly not handling my break up with Thebe as well as I thought I was and obviously being in Johannesburg meant that I got to stress more than I would whilst I was still in Cape Town.

I booked myself into a spa that day and set an appointment with Noma who happens to be my hairdresser so that she could do something with my long disoriented dreadlocks.

Busted! - Chapter 7.4: Look Who's Talking!

As were driving to work, Lincoln told me that his late uncle had been frequenting his dreams. He asked me what it meant and this was because one of my gifts was the ability to interpret dreams. I told him that his uncle was trying to communicate something to him and that he should just listen.

"Earl, I love you" Lincoln said out of the blue. "And then? Are you okay?" I replied trying hard not to laugh at him. He then told me that he hated how close KG and I had become and that he was getting jealous. I honestly thought I was the only one who suffered from jealousy. "You and I both know that there's no other guy out there for you but me" he said confidently with a smirk on his face. He was obviously taking reference from my failed relationship with Menzi. I tried hard not to laugh at him. As much as I loved Lincoln I didn't like the fact that he had an inflated ego and most of the time instead of listening to him, I would be focusing on popping it and shaking my head at how shallow he would sometimes become. "I really wonder who goes around feeding you all these lies." I said. I was obviously joking but he took it to heart and we spent the rest of our trip not talking to each other. I was fine with it because I knew Lincoln, he couldn't stay angry for  long and he always apologised, even when he was not wrong.

We got to the office and it was empty because we were there earlier than expected. I went to my office and Lincoln followed me. He entered and then he closed the door. He then looked around my office and I could see that he was really impressed with what he saw. In my head though, I stood there thinking "What is he up to now?" He then walked up to me and I walked away. The whole situation with KG had me feeling like a bit of a whore and I was trying my best not to feel that way about myself anymore. Lincoln then pulled me and started kissing me… I bit his tongue. "Are you mad?" he screamed as he pulled away. I just looked at him and smiled.

It's quite sad to see the kinds of situations girls get themselves into with men that are attracted to other men. Kelebogile was about to get married to Lincoln, the gayest man I know. I felt really sorry for her and I hoped that she got to experience Lincoln fully without me disturbing the peace. Lincoln stormed out of my office. I sat down and had myself a good laugh, I deserved it. Sihle called to tell me he would be coming in to the office later that day and that only meant that I'd have more work to do by myself.