I checked in to a hotel in Sandton whilst Menzi was at home preparing for his move. I had started contemplating if I still wanted to continue living at the Gigolo's Castle or if I wanted to move in to my own place. As much as I wanted to live alone, I knew that I didn't have it in me to make that work because I am a very co-dependent person.
Sihle called me to find out where I was, I told him and he told me that he'd stop by during the course of the day. I sat on my laptop for close to three hours working on some things for 3Complex. 3Complex was really doing well and if there's anything I had to be proud of, it was that. I remember I always wanted to believe that money didn't change me, but that wasn't really the case because there were people who called Sihle, Gavin and I The Plastics. I just thought that it had more to do with jealousy than the title itself. The receptionist called to tell me that I had visitors downstairs. I thought it was Sihle and Gavin so I went downstairs thinking that we'd chill at the lounge, have a few drinks and catch up as we usually would. When I got downstairs I found that it was actually Sihle and Menzi. The pair never liked each other in high school but I found them downstairs having a decent conversation. It was cute.
I told Sihle to go up to the hotel room whilst I took Menzi to the lounge to find out what was bothering him. He told me that he wouldn't be able to move in with me because he felt that KG and Lincoln were not really fond of him and that would just make his stay in the house very uncomfortable. I felt like it was just an excuse. Menzi was hiding something from me and I didn't really know what it was but I didn't bother to question him, I simply nodded and asked him if that's all he wanted to say. He said yes and he left.
I went up to the hotel room where I found Sihle helping himself to some wine. I joined him on that motive and he started telling me about Lincoln. Apparently Lincoln had told him that he would move out of the house if that's what I wanted. I really never wanted any of that, as much as the commune belonged to my mother, I didn't see the need to use that as leverage over anyone. Lincoln was just being his dramatic self and I was confused by his actions but I chose not to let it bother me. Menzi on the other hand was another one that I refused to follow around. I was just not in the mood to be chasing people around trying to make them see the world through my eyes. Sihle left at around 10pm that night.
As soon as he left, I felt so lonely. My mind was preoccupied with a thousand thoughts and I just couldn't get it to relax. I tried meditating but I wasn't on the right frequency to do that. Menzi tried calling me eight times and I ignored him. He then left me a message telling me that he would do anything to make me happy. How does one do that? I mean if you are not happy yourself, how do you expect to make someone else happy? I understand that there's being selfless but there's also being naïve. You cannot please someone if it makes you unhappy. If something is not right with you, accept it and try finding solutions that are fitting to both of you. Do not sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness. I really do not agree with that.
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