Busted! - Chapter 15.2: That's Just The Way It Is

I finally decided that I was just going to live through everything that was happening. It felt like I sucked at this love game and no matter how hard I tried to stay in a relationship, it just wouldn’t work. It seemed like all I did was attract or cause drama and it had gotten to a point where I just felt like quitting this whole thing altogether. Kelebogile was probably very happy wherever she was because she was finally getting the man that we both loved and she was only getting away with him because she was a girl and I was a guy. Life isn’t fair but sometimes you just have to take whatever is thrown at you and run with it but not from it. I held on and faced my demons.

I woke up and started packing all of Lincoln’s belongings as his father had requested to KG. KG agreed to go and drop them off because I just wasn’t going to go there to face that man again. I had never experienced so much hate from a family and it was really hard for me to come to terms with it. Lincoln’s mother was a beautiful understanding woman but she was married to a beast and at the same time was a mother to another beast, Anthony. It was quite obvious that Lincoln took after his mother. I on the other hand reached a point where I figured I had to move out of the Gigolo’s Castle and start a brand new life on my own. I didn’t know how I was going to manage but I had to grow up.

I wanted so badly to see Lincoln’s reaction when he was told that he would be marrying Kelebogile whether he approved or not. I think that would be enough to drive me back into a coma. I guess I’ve always known that life was unfair especially because my father rejected me twice but I never stopped loving him as a father, I simply had to accept that he didn’t want me in his life and forgive him for the things he said so that I could live a happy life. It does however seem like when you’re gay, things just get exacerbated. If only people knew and understood the people whom we truly are, how much love we have in our hearts and how we are forced to be positive about life because of all the prejudice we face from those who just carry hate towards us for no apparent reason. We just want to live a good life like everyone else and sometimes we all wish we could wake up in Homophobia-free world where everyone would love who they want to love without the fear of being judged.

People seem to think that they can run away from who they are by getting married heterosexually but if you’re born gay, you will die gay and you can run but for how long? Being gay is not disgusting it’s just different. I cannot imagine a world where everyone were to be straight, it would just be boring and there’d probably be an even larger population by now which would have been a disaster because governments are failing to cope with the current population. Being gay is exciting, we bring diversity, we bring life and we are certainly oozing with spunk.

Anyway I decided that I wasn’t going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I had to just accept that I’ve lost the love game and move on, that’s just it!  

Busted! - Chapter 15.1: Let It Flow

On Monday morning I woke up feeling happy and excited because I was finally going to see Lincoln since the last time I saw him at the back of an ambulance van.

I woke up, took a shower and prepared to go to the hospital in Johannesburg where he had arrived the previous night. KG was fast asleep and I wanted to leave him behind because I don’t like waking people up, especially because he looked very peaceful. As soon as I grabbed my car keys he woke up and caught me in the act. “So you were trying to leave me behind you sly fox” he said. I just laughed because I didn’t know what else to do or say.

I then went downstairs where I prepared myself some breakfast and patiently waited for KG. He then came downstairs looking mighty fine. Just when I thought we were ready to leave, KG asked me to patiently wait for him as he didn’t like the shirt that he was wearing. I rolled my eyes and did just that. When it was time to leave, my mood changed, I went from being excited to dreading going to the hospital. I felt like telling KG that I wanted to take a nap and maybe leave for the hospital an hour later. All of a sudden I didn’t want to go to the hospital but when I thought about who was at the hospital, I gathered courage and drove there.

In the car, KG started talking about how bad his hair looked and how his mother wasn’t shocked when he came out etc. He was literally changing from being a closeted boy to being openly gay and I loved that, coupled with the fact that he had a great sense of humor. I just kept laughing at everything he said, I hardly said a word because it was HIS moment.

We finally got to the hospital and there I was jolly with a Teddy Bear and a ‘Get Well Soon’ card for the love of my life. The lady at reception told us where to go and when we arrived in his ward, we found his mother, his father and the brother who beat him up. I just froze at the door. I didn’t know whether I should go in or run away. Anthony saw me and came straight up to me, violently pushing me out of the ward. I composed myself because at the rate that he was going and the anger I had bottled up because of him, I was going to murder him. KG managed to get him away from me. The dad clearly figured out who I was judging from Anthony’s actions. “I’m guessing this is him?” said Lincoln’s father as he pointed at me. Anthony gave him a nod. “Get the f@*k out of this ward!” Lincoln’s father said. He clearly didn’t know that he was dealing with a Taurus, and we are known to be the most stubborn people on this planet. I stood there unmoved, unbothered and straight-faced. The mother tried to calm the father down but he was just not having it. “Is this your friend KG?” asked the father. “Yes… he is” KG replied. “Do me a favour and get him out of here before I do something that I will later on regret” said the father. KG tried to talk me into leaving but I snubbed him. I was not going anywhere. The mother then asked the father to allow me to at least talk to or see Lincoln. “NO! This boy is trying to destroy my family by turning my son gay. Lincoln is still sedated for now, but you must know that when he recovers, he’s getting married to the love of his life… Kelebogile!” said the father. I just shrugged and gave him a cut eye. “But you cannot make decisions for Lincoln, he’s not even in the right state of mind to be hearing such!” the mother said. The father just wasn’t taking it, he then sent Anthony to go call security on me. I dropped whatever it was that I had come to give Lincoln and walked out before being humiliated. We left the building and I told KG to drive.

I was so infuriated that I felt like I was just going to run an innocent person over just to feel better. KG hardly said a thing to me because he could see that I was hurt. I sat on the passenger’s seat looking out the window trying to avoid any eye contact with KG. When we arrived at the house, I ran up to my room, covered myself with a pillow and cried until I fell asleep. So that was it! Lincoln was getting married and I just had to find a way to cope because I’m gay and I don’t have feelings.

Busted! - Chapter 14.5: So Where To?

I hated myself so much for landing Lincoln in hospital especially in the state that he was in. I was so tired but every time I tried to close my eyes so that I could fall asleep, I just kept seeing Lincoln covered in blood and I would just cry. I think it was only then that I decided to absorb everything that had just happened.

My mother kept on calling me to check if everything was fine with Lincoln. I barely answered her calls. For some reason I was angry at her too because if it wasn’t for her, I’d probably still be with Thebe in Cape Town and Lincoln wouldn’t have been attacked.

I sat in that hotel room dwelling on the plans that Lincoln and I had made. We had planned to move in together and start another business but that wasn’t going to happen because Lincoln definitely wasn’t going to come back to me once he made a recovery, all that was left was for me was to make peace with that. It was at around 10pm when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was room service or Sihle so I ignored it. The person knocking on my door was just not getting the message so I went to the door to go tell them that I just wanted to be alone. When I opened, it was KG! Before I could even ask him what he was doing in Cape Town, he dropped his bag and hugged me. Everything from that point on started to feel warm. I felt safe. I knew that I wasn’t alone and I was at peace. I shed a few tears and held on tightly to KG. He came at the most perfect time.

KG was supposed to be at home mourning the loss of his father but he took the first plane out when he heard that Lincoln was in a bad state. “I’m really sorry Earl, I truly am. Sihle told me everything; I went to see Lincoln before I came here. How are you holding up?” asked KG. “I don’t know… I really don’t know” I said in reply. He then started reiterating the fact that he loved me. “Why KG? Why? Do you want to die? Do you want to be beaten up because your ‘love’ me? Lincoln is in hospital right now because he LOVED me. Do you want the same thing to happen to you?” I sadly asked. He looked at me and hugged me before trying to kiss me. I stepped back. “I’m not trying to take advantage of you, I just can’t control the way I feel right now” he said. I just stood there looking at him, silently. “Thank you… for being here” I said as I went back to the bedroom.

The next day, which was a Sunday we all prepared ourselves to head back to Johannesburg. Lincoln was going to be flown into Johannesburg on the very same night. As soon as we arrived in Johannesburg, KG asked that I drop him off at his mother’s place, which I did. His mother was so happy to see me and having heard everything that happened, she reassured me that she would never judge me or anyone else who feels the need to be in love with someone of the same sex. I then looked at KG and he smiled… and then it hit me, KG had told his mother about his sexual orientation. I felt an instant relief, an overwhelming feeling where everything in that house just became lighter. “You two just need to be there for one another, things happen, but whatever it is, never let it get the best of your friendship” KG’s mother added. I was happy… I really was. KG then decided that he was going to leave with me and make his return to the Gigolo’s Castle as well.

Busted! - Chapter 14.4: S.O.S

After the fight, when everything had started to die down, I realized that I had just ruined my best friend’s wedding. I could see the disappointment in his face but when I explained to him what had really happened, he found it hard to believe that there are still people out there that actually torture people for being themselves. The guests kept on asking what had happened and I was just so angry at them because not even one of them stepped up to help calm the situation. I just sat down and took everything in and when I realized that my Lincoln was lying on the floor bloody and unconscious, tears just started falling from my eyes. Gabriel brought me a glass of sugar water. The situation brought all the gays closer, we realized from then onwards that we are still fighting for our freedom and that an injury to one should be experienced by all of us. We took a stand and fought to save one of us. We were a family. The need for pretence and useless fights started to become unnecessary because we learnt that day that we were faced with a bigger challenge than we thought possible.

The ambulance made its way to the wedding and Lincoln was taken to the hospital. He cried in agony when they placed him on the stretcher. It pierced right through my heart, I felt as if they had stabbed me repeatedly. One of the paramedics asked who Earl was. When I responded he told me that Lincoln wanted me to go to the hospital with him. As I sat in the back of that van, Lincoln kept on apologizing and I told him to stop. He was dizzy and he couldn’t speak. His clothes were covered in blood. Normally blood would traumatize me, but at that moment, I couldn’t even smell it. I was stronger than I actually thought I was.

As soon as we arrived at the hospital, Lincoln was rushed to the emergency room where I was denied access. I felt so angry. I was so angry that at that particular moment I felt like taking whatever weapon I could find to destroy Anthony and his friends. How does your own brother almost beat you to death because of your sexual orientation? How does that happen? Up to this day I cannot stand homophobic people. I just look at them and ask myself if they are aware of the fact that they have a bigger struggle than we do, we have accepted ourselves and the reason why they can’t be happy with that is because they’re not happy with themselves, and we have to pay for their bullshit and their insecurities. It is just heart provoking, I cannot stand it, I will not, and I pray that I never come across such again because at this rate, I would run them over just to make life easier... for them!

Sihle, Malcolm, Thebe and Gabriel came to the hospital. The first thing they all asked me was how Lincoln was doing. I also didn’t know. I sat there for almost an hour waiting for some form of communication from anyone who bothered to tell me. I looked at Gabriel and he showed a genuine concern in Lincoln’s state of being. Being gay has to be one of the bravest things one can ever be. We obviously don’t choose it, but the way in which we embrace it is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. Gabriel was a guy that didn’t know Lincoln moments before he was moved by his state of being. Gay bashing creates a fear in us and that stops us from achieving our goals. Homophobic people know how much power we have over the world and they try to can us down so that we don’t take over. It won’t stop, they only make us stronger.

The doctor came to tell us about Lincoln’s condition. He mentioned that he had suffered serious head injuries but that he would make a full recovery. One of his ribs had been dislocated but they wouldn’t operate on him until they were really sure what happened. The doctor then asked me to stay away from the hospital a bit because that was what Lincoln requested. Lincoln had told the doctor that I was too sensitive and probably wouldn’t handle seeing him in a compromising state all the time. Gabriel offered to be the one who comes and checks on him every day and then give me feedback. He was a kind person under all the madness.

Busted! - Chapter 14.3: The Bond

The wedding commenced and it was so beautiful. When I saw Thapelo dressed as a prince, I knew that Martha had to walk down the aisle looking like a princess. I was right, not only was she dressed as a princess, she was Snow White. The wedding theme came as a shock to the guests but because I knew what kind of a person Thapelo was, I was already expecting something over the top. Instead of placing a couple on top of their cake, they placed an apple which had been bitten. It was adorable, turns out Snow White was Thapelo and Martha’s favourite fairytale. The older guests were a bit touched by the theme especially the Christians who believed that the apple was bad! Nonetheless, the wedding was beautiful and the fact that Thapelo and Martha were so whimsical about their moment made it unforgettable. When the service was over, we headed to the venue that they had chosen to host the reception. The set-up was amazing, it was almost as if we had gotten lost in a time machine, and just in case you were wondering, there were seven dwarves! They entertained us with their singing and dancing. That wedding for me was perfect!

It was quite obvious that my group would attract a lot of attention; gay guys always steal the spotlight. I could sense that there were some uncomfortable people and some that were just eager to get to know who we were. When there were no more items on the program for the wedding, the party began and Lincoln and I decided to take a walk just so that we could check out the venue. That was probably the biggest mistake of our lives because we were then approached by Anthony, Lincoln’s brother. Lincoln was shocked to see him, I recognized his face from Lincoln’s pictures.

He was there with four of his friends and he seemingly didn’t like seeing me and Lincoln holding hands. “What the hell is going on here?” Anthony said as he roughly separated me from Lincoln. Out of shock Lincoln asked his brother what he was doing at the wedding. “Don’t ask me stupid questions, I said what the hell is going on here?” he violently asked. I was starting to freak out because I knew that this would turn into a sticky situation. I told Lincoln that we should leave but he insisted on explaining what was happening to his brother. Anthony seemed to be understanding and with a smile he slowly walked away. Just when we thought it was over, he came back and punched Lincoln in his face. Lincoln fell down and hit his head on a rock. People were starting to gather up around us but nobody was helping. I don’t know if it was because they were dressed in expensive suits or if they were just happy that there was a gay bashing happening right in front of their eyes. Sihle, Malcolm, Thebe and Gabriel ran to the scene. Anthony and his friends were starting to gang up on Lincoln and we knew we had to fight to save him. The five of us took off our blazers and the fight was on. We quickly removed Anthony and his friends away from Lincoln because they were honestly about to kill him. Fists kept flying; it was the gays versus the “straight” guys. No straight man, who knows himself well enough, would succumb to beating up a gay guy just for being gay. We showed those boys that as gay as we were, we could still kick ass! All of a sudden it made sense why anyone didn’t want to intervene; the gays were fighting like they were on steroids. When the boys realized that they were losing to a couple of gay guys, they decided to run away. The gays and I had suffered minor injuries anywhere else but on our faces, whilst the straight boys fled the scene with bruised faces. I’ll say this once and never again, don’t mess with the gays!

Busted! - Chapter 14.2: The Wedding Day

Friday night saw me, Lincoln, Sihle and Malcolm flying down to Cape Town for the wedding. Sihle knew that I wasn’t a big fan of rental cars so he was the one in charge of that. We could have went out for drinks but because we had to be up early the next day for the wedding, we decided to just check in to the hotel and get enough rest before looking our best for Thapelo’s wedding.

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. It literally felt like I was the one getting married. Thapelo was one of my best straight friends and I was just so excited for him. Lincoln and I were walking on cloud nine; everything was just working in perfect harmony. I woke Lincoln up so that we could take a shower…together! It took longer than it was supposed to but it set the mood for the day. We then got dressed and headed to Sihle and Malcolm’s hotel room.

They looked so beautiful in their tuxedos, it looked like they were the ones getting married, but they said the same about Lincoln and me. There was so much love in the air that day, almost as if all the people that had broken up miraculously decided to reunite that day. If I were to use one word to describe the mood that morning, I would say “Golden”. When we were all ready, we made our way to Thapelo’s wedding. Sihle was driving with Malcolm whilst Lincoln and I sat at the back.

When we got to the wedding, I bumped into my mother. I hadn’t spoken to her in a very long time. She was there with her fiancé, Thebe’s dad. Now you know why me being with Thebe was such a big deal, turns out we were about to become stepbrothers so we had to end our relationship because our parents unknowingly fell in love. In the beginning, I was angry about the situation but I think both Thebe and I loved our parents enough to give them the liberty of being together and if that wasn’t the case, I’d say we were both scared of them and what they could do to us if we chose to remain together. They did however look good together. I was just happy that after years of being a single, independent woman, my mother had finally found love and if it meant I had to sacrifice myself or something I had for her happiness, I did it with a loving heart. I introduced my mother to Lincoln and she remembered him as my high school sweetheart, the one that got away.

We then waited to be ushered to our respective tables. Each table had six chairs and since Sihle, Lincoln, Malcolm and I occupied four, we knew that there was a couple that would join us at the table. We sat there talking about how awkward it would be if they grouped us with a straight homophobic couple but we were laughing about it. The couple finally came; it was Thebe and his new partner… Gabriel! When I saw Gabriel, I whispered to Lincoln that he was the guy Malcolm had an affair with. Thebe greeted everyone at the table before introducing his partner to me. “I know him, we happen to go to the same salon. Well… Gabriel… I’m sure you know Malcolm?” I asked Gabriel. “What are you doing with this dude?” Malcolm asked Gabriel in reference to Thebe. “Well I could ask you the same!” replied Gabriel. Malcolm then stopped and gave Thebe a good stare. “I know you from somewhere…” Malcolm said to Thebe. Thebe just shied away but it was quite evident that they did indeed know each other. “So you’re the Gabriel that was sleeping with my man?” Sihle asked Gabriel. “Is that what you call him? A man?” Gabriel said as he laughed. “Guys, can we all just sit down and have our drinks? This can be sorted out later”. I pleaded.

Obviously Thapelo is the one that was responsible for this set up. He just made sure that all the gays were sitting at one table, which if you ask me, was a bad idea. The set up was so awkward. You had Sihle who was adamant on marking his territory to get a reaction from Gabriel, Malcolm who kept on studying Thebe, Thebe who kept on trying to show me that he was better off and Lincoln who was striving to keep me entertained just to show Thebe that I’m happier with him. It was stupid and awkward.

Busted! - Chapter 14.1: Appear!

The next day I woke up in the afternoon because I was really tired. Lincoln was acting weird because of our argument the previous night and I didn’t want to entertain him. I wanted to go see a movie so I went to ask Sihle if he wanted to come with but he said he was spending some quality time with Malcolm. Nigel said he was tired and that he’d rather sleep so I called Gavin and asked that we meet in Sandton.

A few minutes after preparing myself to meet with Gavin, I took a boring drive to Sandton. The neighbourhood was so quiet. Everyone was just minding their own businesses that day. I got to Sandton and met up with Gavin and together we went to go check out a movie before heading to the bar for drinks.

After the movie as we were on our way to the bar, we approached Menzi and he was with Zodwa and his child. Gavin tried to convince me to turn around and we go the other way but I simply told him that it was okay. When I saw Menzi at KG’s dad’s funeral I knew that he was okay since his disappearing act and I made peace with the fact that as much as he made a return, he clearly didn’t want me in his life because he never even bothered to tell me that he was back. He simply discarded me. I greeted him and Zodwa and we continued walking as if nothing ever happened. “How do you do it?” Gavin asked. “Do what friend?” I asked. “How do you remain so calm when approaching a situation like this?” he asked. “Meditation! Lots and lots of meditation boo!” I replied.

We sat down to have drinks and before we left the mall, we went to go shop for a gift for Thapelo’s wedding. Thebe had only sent me two paired invitations and I gave one to Sihle so that he could go with Malcolm. Gavin wasn’t interested in going to a “straight” wedding because he was tired of them.

On my way home I passed a beautiful house that was on sale in Rosebank. It really caught my eye so I decided to pull over and view it. Coincidentally it was being sold by 3Complex Properties. It was stunning. I can’t even describe what it looked like but it was just stunning. It had a beautiful open plan kitchen and a huge walk-in closet. I had always wanted a house that had a perfect version of those two things so I immediately called Kabelo from the Property department and told him to remove the house off of the market. I know it was a spontaneous decision, but if you were to walk in to that house… you’d never want to leave!

I drove back home and when I got there, I found Kelebogile. I greeted her and went straight up to my bedroom because I wanted to avoid any further conversation with her. She and Lincoln seemed to have been talking about something very serious. Sihle came to my room to tell me that Kelebogile had come to say hi to him. I didn’t believe that, I knew exactly why Kelebogile was there and it wasn’t because of Sihle. She was becoming a nuisance. “There’s something I need to tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone.” Sihle said. “Okay, shoot!” I said. Lincoln then came into the room and decided to lie next to me. Sihle got the message and left without telling me what he wanted to tell me.

“So you and this girlfriend of yours, can’t you guys meet somewhere else?” I asked Lincoln. “She wasn’t here to see me; she was here to see Sihle. You can go ask her if you like” he said. “Lincoln… I’m so tired of all of this. I think we need some time out, just to be by ourselves and think about where we're headed. I’m really tired. This is not what I signed up for!” I said to him. “So you’re leaving me?” he asked. “For now…” I replied. He went ballistic and as soon as that happened, I totally muted him. I hardly heard anything that he said because I knew that whatever he was saying was coming out of anger and it would probably hurt. “You just need to clarify things Lincoln. Is it me or her?” I asked him as I grabbed my keys and an overnight bag.

I checked into the hotel and as soon as I was done with that, I switched off all my phones and fell asleep.

The next day saw Lincoln and Sihle showing up together at the hotel. “He just wouldn’t let me go! I had to bring him here” Sihle said. “It’s okay, could you kindly excuse us friend” I asked and Sihle left. Lincoln sat down and poured his heart out. For the first time I actually saw Lincoln for who he really was. He was a man that couldn’t believe that he was in love with another man. And this wasn’t just an ordinary love, he loved just one guy and that’s the only guy he would love in his entire lifetime otherwise he’d fall in love with women. Lincoln wanted to do anything it took to make me happy and he knew that he wasn’t ready but he was more than willing to try until he bled…