Having returned drunk as hell from Lincoln’s bachelor party, we all woke up that morning with massive hangovers. Thobile was the only one who stayed home whilst Zama, Sihle and Gavin joined Kelebogile for her bachelorette party. Gavin wasn’t happy that he had to go be with the girls but Kelebogile didn’t have that much support so it was a favour from his side.
We had to be at the ceremony by 7am because the boys were Lincoln’s groomsmen. Sihle, Gavin and I were the only ones not involved at Lincoln’s wedding. Thobile woke up and made us a concoction that would cure our hangovers instantly and it did! I think it did that because it sent us running to the bathroom whilst she had fun laughing at us whilst video recording everything. We were literally like zombies until we had that concoction.
We then prepared ourselves and then drove to Lincoln’s wedding. On our arrival, there was a choir singing, people were dancing and some were running around. In a nutshell, a lot was happening. At the gate we were welcomed by Lincoln’s father and Anthony. “Are you ready?” KG whispered in my ear. “Let’s get them babe!” I said as I walked fiercely towards them. They both had even bigger smiles when they saw me, probably looking at me going “we’ve won”. They expected me to shake their hands like everyone else but I just looked at their hands, smiled in their faces and said “Hello… I don’t think you’ve ever asked. My name is Earl!” and I strutted into that church with attitude, KG then grabbed me by the waist. “Really babe? Really? How can I not love you?” he said as he laughed. I just blushed and we held hands. He then kissed me on the cheek and went to go join the other groomsmen whilst Sihle, Gavin and I entered the church.
For a moment there everything stopped. “Calm down, we’re just a trio of gays” I whispered. Surprisingly, Thebe and Gabriel were also at the wedding and they had reserved seats for us. We joined them and had a gay moment whilst the church looked at us like we were insane. I felt alive!
So the wedding began and we watched as the groomsmen walked in. I remember looking at KG with a smile on my face. He looked gorgeous. I was smitten, he struggled to find me in the crowd but when he did he winked at me and blew me a kiss. I wanted to faint! That was so adorable; Sihle and Gabriel kept fanning me with their hands. Malcolm walked past and also winked at Sihle and drew a heart shape with his index fingers. Gabriel and I turned around and started fanning Sihle with our hands. Some members of the church kept looking at us asking themselves what was going on, we didn’t care! Finally Lincoln walked in and he looked a tad bit sad. I could just see that he was faking a smile. His mother also didn’t look as happy as everyone else but maybe that was just my imagination showing me what I wanted to see.
The bridesmaids came in after Lincoln and we were cheering them as if it was some fashion show. The boys in the front were laughing; even Lincoln’s mother had a little chuckle. She then moved from the front where she was sitting and did the unthinkable when she came to sit in our row. “I couldn’t help it!” she said as she laughed. She was a young mother that seemingly had tons of gay friends. We made space for her and she sat down. Lincoln’s father wasn’t pleased at all. “Oh he’ll be strong” she said slowly as she flicked her weave and we all burst out laughing again, this time a bit too loud because it had started to quiet down. “No guys stop it!” she whispered but she couldn’t stop herself from laughing, so much that she was gasping for air.
Finally the pianist helped us out by playing the bride song; we got up and looked at the door. She walked in and she was stunning. I didn’t like her personally but Lincoln’s father outdid himself with that one. Kelebogile looked like a princess… however I didn’t see a baby bump. Confused I turned to Sihle and asked him where the baby was. “That’s what I wanted to tell you, she was never pregnant!” Sihle whispered. “Wow!” I said as I paused and everything started to happen in slow motion. She faked her pregnancy just so that she could get her way with Lincoln. I felt like asking the mother if she knew about this but seemingly not so I just composed myself and also remembered that as much as she was enjoying the gays, she was still an elder.
Finally the service began and I just couldn’t wait for it to be over. I was already missing KG and from where we were sitting I couldn’t see him. The priest went on and on and started addressing Lincoln directly telling him to choose his friends wisely. He was obviously referring to us. A snore sounded from our row, when I looked on my right it was Sihle. He had passed out. I poked him. Gavin struggled to hold in his laugh, Lincoln’s mother included. The priest then looked at our direction and asked if everything was fine. I was so embarrassed I felt like hiding. Lincoln’s mother muttered “No”. And we had to hold in our laugh again. The priest then paused and shook his head. Lincoln gave his mother a cut eye but we learnt what it was that was making her behave that way. In her clutch bag, she had a small bottle of dry gin. She then passed it on to Sihle and said it would wake him up.
Thebe, Gabriel, Gavin, Sihle, Lincoln’s mother and I were having the time of our lives at someone else’s wedding. Every time they prayed, we would take sips and that church prayed a lot. The fun ended when the next thing we heard was “Lincoln, do you take Kelebogile to be your lawfully wedded wife?” etc. There was a long pause. Lincoln looked at his dad, then he looked at his mother, then his brother, then me, and by then he had already wasted a lot of time. The housemates avoided eye contact with him. “YES!” he replied. “I do”. There was a universal sigh of relief. I just started crying and I think it’s because I was a bit intoxicated.
The service came to an end and Lincoln and Kelebogile were married. We went to the reception where we continued to get sloshed. Lincoln’s dad had a firm hold on Lincoln’s mother because he was convinced that she was causing chaos. She would keep looking at us and roll her eyes, or act out vomiting. We had the time of our lives, when it was time to go, we went to her and we all took a picture with her. She was great. She then asked KG if we were an item, I looked at KG and waited for his reply. He clenched his teeth, looking so cute. “From today onwards, we are!” I replied with a smile before giving her a kiss goodbye.